


The Quiet Box

by DigitalAlice



Category: South Park
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-08 02:55:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12855216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigitalAlice/pseuds/DigitalAlice
Summary: Craig's first experience of what a real anxiety attack looks like - and his way of dealing with it.





	The Quiet Box

' _Look Craig, you seem like a nice young man. It's just that Tweek is very special, and we need to know you're going to be there for him. In a way you might not have been for other people before._ '

It hadn't exactly been what Craig was expecting when Tweek's dad said he wanted to have a talk with him when he went over for dinner last month. Where was the normal 'relationship talk' about being safe if they got physical and not breaking Tweek's heart?

Craig tapped his pen on his desk and looked over at Tweek's empty seat. Class was about to start and he still wasn't here.

The conversation had stuck with Craig all month. It was like Tweek's dad was implying he was too emotionally dismissive to actually be there for Tweek. But what did he know? Craig cuddled Tweek and kissed him and did plenty of stuff that people might think was out of character for him – he just didn't do them in public, so only Tweek ever saw that side of him. What the fuck did everyone else know about it?

' _Most days, Tweek is always panicking about something. Sometimes it's completely crazy, like thinking the President and the Koreans are out to get him, or something equally as absurd-'_

' _Actually, sir, they really were out to get him…'_

' _-but there will come a day when you will see him have a real anxiety attack. When that happens, it's not always because something in particular is worrying him. He just has trouble making his mind quiet, that's all. He just shuts down. And there's no logical answer that will fix that, because there's no single problem causing it.'_

Craig gave a long sigh and slumped forward onto his desk, resting his chin on his arm. He'd never once seen Tweek panic without screeching about whatever was bothering him. The quiet meltdown Tweek's dad had mentioned seemed impossible to imagine.

But it bothered him so much. Maybe because deep down he believed that day  _would_  eventually come, or maybe because he felt like Tweek's parents expected him to fail to be there for Tweek when it mattered most. Whatever the reason, it bothered him and he wanted to do something. So the following weekend Craig had created the Quiet Box, and every few days he would add to it. He kept it in his backpack with him at all times, but he didn't tell anyone. When he first put it together it was just a box, slightly smaller than a shoebox, which he'd bought from the post office and decorated. He started with a few things that he thought Tweek would like, and even read some articles on dealing with stress and anxiety to get ideas.

Now over three weeks later it was packed with things for different situations. His bag felt heavier because of it but he didn't mind. Every day he was thinking, what else? What else can go in there? Each time Tweek came to him in the middle of the night or freaked out at lunchtime with his problems Craig would evaluate – was it time to use the box? But he was saving it for the day that Tweek's dad had mentioned; it was a day Craig thought might never actually come, a day when he'd see some monster anxiety attack that was different to Tweek's normal anxiety. Had Craig really not seen what a panic attack looked like from his boyfriend?

He tapped his pen rapidly on the desk, feeling unsure. The teacher had started the class and Tweek's desk was still empty. He hadn't texted Craig to say he was sick or missing school, so where was he? Craig thought he knew everything there was to know about Tweek until he'd had that conversation. He sighed again, sitting up to rub his face and soothe away the tension. Would there really be a day when Tweek was so worried that he'd be quiet and timid rather than having his usual freak-out? Maybe not. But that was the day he was saving the Quiet Box for.

That day.

Today.

'I need Craig Tucker to come with me, mmkay,' Mr Mackey announced, leaning around the door. Craig stood to follow, wondering why he was being called. He hesitated, then leaned down to snatch up his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder.

'Am I in trouble for something?' Craig asked when they were out in the hall. Mr Mackey was moving quickly and Craig was nearly jogging to keep up.

'No, Craig, you're fine, mmkay.'

'So why did you pull me from class?'

'Well, it appears Tweek is going through a difficult time,' Mr Mackey said, turning another corner. 'We've tried calling his parents at work but we're having trouble reaching them right now, mmkay. Since you're his boyfriend, I thought it might help to have you there.'

'What's wrong with him?' Craig asked.

'We don't know,' Mr Mackey replied. 'He won't say anything. He had locked himself in the boy's restroom, mmkay, but we managed to get him into the principal's office.'

'He won't say anything?' Craig muttered, his heart thudding heavily in his chest.

'Not unless we go near him, mmkay. He panics if anyone tries to touch him.'

Mr Mackey stopped outside of the principal's office. He tapped on the frosted glass of the door.

'Tweek, is it alright if I come back in?' he asked. 'Craig is here with me, mmkay.'

He gently pushed open the door to step inside, and the sight that greeted Craig made him inhale sharply. Tweek was sitting on the floor hugging his knees, his face hidden as he scrunched himself up as tight as possible. He was hyperventilating, and his rapid breaths were irregular and strained. Every few seconds he shuddered violently, and Craig was sure he was crying but he wasn't making any noise other than his erratic gasping.

The principal sat behind his desk, rubbing his head with one hand, cradling the phone to his ear with another. He looked up and replaced the receiver.

'I still can't reach his parents,' he sighed. 'I've left messages for them, but…' he shrugged.

Craig went to crouch down next to Tweek.

'Babe?'

Tweek gave no indication that he'd heard him, so Craig reached out to touch Tweek's hand. Tweek pulled away violently.

' _Don't touch me!_ ' he shrieked, his face still hidden.

'Tweek, it's me.'

'Please,' Tweek whimpered. 'Please don't touch me.'

Craig swallowed a lump in his throat. He'd never seen Tweek like this.

_We need to know you have it in you to be there for him._

Fuck. What was he supposed to do?

'Okay baby. I won't touch you. Nobody will touch you, okay?'

Tweek shivered and continued to hyperventilate. If nothing was actually  _wrong_ , how was Craig supposed to fix it?

He couldn't fix it, he realised. All he could do was ride out the time with him so that he wasn't suffering alone. The principal had gone over to Mr Mackey and they were speaking quietly to each other, but Craig couldn't hear what they were saying.

Tweek mumbled something.

'What?' Craig asked, leaning closer.

'People,' Tweek whispered, his head resting against his knees. He was rocking back and forth, still hugging his legs close to him.

'Voices.'

The phone trilled on the desk and the principal rushed to answer it.

'Might be the parents,' he said, taking a seat behind the desk again.

'Phone,' Tweek whispered. 'Ring. Ring. Ring.'

'Tweek…'

Whoever the principal was talking to, it wasn't Tweek's parents.

'Voices,' Tweek muttered again. Craig tilted his head to look at Tweek's face. His eyes were squeezed shut, his cheeks wet from tears.

'What is he saying, mmkay?' Mr Mackey crouched down near them. Craig frowned at Tweek. Sometimes it felt like a puzzle trying to work out what his boyfriend was thinking. That's how it felt now.

'Clock,' Tweek sobbed quietly. 'Tick, tick, tick.'

Craig looked up at the clock directly above Tweek.

People, voices, phone, clock.

'Noise,' Craig said, looking at Mr Mackey. 'It's all the things making noise. He doesn't like it.' Craig stood up and reached to take the clock off the wall. As the principal hung up his phone call, Craig moved to the desk and disconnected the cord from the back of the phone.

'Hey, what do you think you're doing, kid?'

'Trust me, please,' Craig said, turning to look at Mr Mackey. 'I need it to be quiet in here. Can you take this and leave me alone with him?'

Craig held out the clock and Mr Mackey regarded him carefully for a moment before taking it.

'It's worth a try, mmkay,' Mr Mackey said, motioning to the principal to follow him. They left the office, and per Craig's instructions, stood a little way down the hall in both directions to stop students walking past. Craig closed and locked the door, then shut the blinds over the windows. He turned off the fluorescent lights above them so that the room was dim, and then stopped to listen. Other than Tweek's panting breaths, there was silence.

Craig went to sit down next to Tweek again.

'Babe? It's quiet now.'

Tweek shook his head, his whole body trembling.

_He just has trouble making his mind quiet, that's all._

The realisation clicked like a lightbulb, and Craig reached for his backpack. It was quiet in the room but not in Tweek's mind. Craig reached for his backpack and unzipped it. It was time.

'Zip, zip,' Tweek gasped, cradling his head.

'I know babe. Sorry.'

Craig lifted out the box and placed it in front of them both.

'Look,' Craig said softly. 'Just for a second, look at this.'

Tweek peeked past his arm at the box.

'W-w-what is that?'

'It's the Quiet Box,' Craig said, pointing to where he'd doodled the name on the lid. He'd used sharpies to draw hearts, stars, flowers, leaves, and dragonflies all over the box. Tweek was still peering at it and Craig felt pleased that he'd at least managed to get Tweek to open his eyes.

'I can't breathe,' Tweek sobbed, starting to hyperventilate again.

'Yes you can, babe.'

Tweek shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut as more tears spilled down his face.

'I can't, I can't breathe. I'm going to die. I can't breathe.'

Craig felt a pang in his chest. It hurt him so much to see Tweek experience this level of suffering.

'I'm suffocating,' Tweek gasped, sucking in shallow breaths.

'Here, babe, look at this.' Craig lifted the lid off of the box, rummaging through. Trouble breathing. Number one symptom of panic attacks. Where was it?

Craig lifted out a phone and switched it on.

'I got this phone and put loads of apps on it, see? There's mindfulness ones and ASMR ones… here.' Craig clicked on the Breathe Right app. It opened to a plain screen that had a small circle on it. The circle swelled bigger and bigger until it took up nearly the whole screen, then began to shrink down again.

The instructions were to breathe in until the circle was big and then breathe out until it was small, using the motion to control your timing and help you take deeper, longer breaths.

'Try it,' Craig said, holding the phone so that Tweek could see the screen.

'Breathe in…' Craig watched as Tweek sucked in a breath, pausing every half a second but determined to keep inhaling despite the instinctual urge to exhale.

'Breathe out…'

After a few attempts Tweek began to cry again.

'I can't.'

'You can baby, you were doing it. Keep going. I'll do it with you, come on. Breathe in.'

Craig took a slow breath, relieved when Tweek tried to do the same.

'Out.'

A slow exhale in time with the circle.

'In…' Tweek started to breathe in but held his breath after a few seconds.

'Keep breathing in babe, keep going.'

In the conversation last month, Tweek's dad hadn't warned him just how agonizingly slow this part was. Each breath seemed like a mountain of a task to both him and Tweek, and he felt himself praying for Tweek to find some relief. Craig's chest and throat hurt from seeing his boyfriend this way, and every painful second seemed like an eternity.

Craig leaned forward to see Tweek's face again. The blonde was focusing intently on the screen, his eyes red from crying and a deep frown on his face. For several minutes they just kept breathing.

'See? You're not suffocating.'

Tweek didn't reply, so Craig placed the phone on his lap, careful not to touch him. He made sure it was tilted so that Tweek could see the circle from his hunched up position, then began to search through the box again.

The next thing he took out was a small caramel-coloured teddy bear. He'd picked it because it was soft and squishy, and he thought it seemed comforting. He lifted it out and showed it to Tweek.

'I called him Cinnamon,' Craig explained, 'because he's that kind of brown colour.'

Tweek sniffled miserably, still swaying back and forth.

'I mean… you can call him what you want,' Craig added quickly. 'But, uh, he's nice to hold onto. And if you want him to, his takes away your worries.'

'How?' Tweek whispered, breathing in time with the circle on the phone.

'You just hold him, and he soaks them up,' Craig said, kind of making it up as he went along. 'He absorbs the worries for you. And then when you feel better, you kiss him, and the anxiety goes away from him too. You help each other.'

'I like the name Cinnamon,' Tweek said, his voice barely audible. 'I don't want to change it.'

'Then Cinnamon it is,' Craig said. 'Do you want to try holding him?'

Craig held out the bear and Tweek reached out a hesitant hand to take him. He held it close to his chest with one hand, the other still wrapped tightly around his knees.

'He's going to help take all the thoughts away,' Craig said. 'I promise.'

He waited in silence, watching Tweek take deep but shaky breaths. After a few minutes, his rocking began to subside and he sat perfectly still. Progress, Craig thought. But just as he was starting to feel like he was getting through to Tweek, noise start to invade again. A car began honking outside, the school bell rang, and even though the students couldn't come up to the principal's office, they could still be heard shouting and laughing from nearby. Tweek began to shudder again and whimpered quietly.

'It's okay, it's okay,' Craig assured him. He rushed to sift through the box again, and lifted out a pair of noise-cancelling headphones. He'd cut the wire off so that they were just ear muffs with better padding.

'I just want-' Tweek started, but he stopped as Craig put the headphones over his head.

'-quiet…' Tweek whispered, looking at Craig with tears in his eyes. Craig smiled at him and nodded. He reached to adjust the headphones, making sure they were fully covering his ears. It might not be enough to block out the whole world, but it was enough to make the worst of the sound go away and give Tweek a quiet little bubble.

They sat in silence again and Craig wasn't sure what to do next. He was so in love with Tweek, but he just couldn't get into his head. If he didn't know what was going on in there, he couldn't know the best way to help. After a while, Tweek leaned to rest against Craig's arm.

'What else is in there?' Tweek sniffed, lifting off one headphone piece to listen.

'Lots of stuff,' Craig admitted. 'Colouring sheets and pencils. Word searches and logic puzzles. An eye mask to block out light and distractions. Some gemstones, a couple of poems I wrote out for you that seemed nice, and a notebook for you to write your honest feelings in or doodle in, whatever you need to do.'

Craig reached to take out a little glass bottle and opened it.

'A calming herbal remedy dropper. Stick out your tongue.'

Tweek opened his mouth and Craig trickled a few drops onto his tongue.

'There's also some sentimental stuff. My keychain that you really like, and some photos of you with your family or your friends or me. There's a Magic the Gathering card called Argentum Armor, where you get +6/+6 and can't be blocked as long as you're wearing it. And there's the Platinum Angel card, where as long as you have it, you can't lose the game and your opponents can't win the game. They seemed kind of nice as metaphors, I guess.'

Tweek leaned forward to look in the box, still clutching Cinnamon tightly.

'There's this too,' Craig said, turning over the lid of the box. 'On the inside of the lid I glued a list of reasons for you to be calm and happy.'

'Will you read them to me?'

'Sure babe.'

Tweek cuddled up to Craig, and Craig reached up a hesitant hand to stroke Tweek's head. The blonde didn't complain or lean away this time, so Craig continued to run his fingers through Tweek's hair as he read the list.

'Number one. You have survived every stressful situation in your life until this point, and you will survive this.'

He listened to the now steady breathing of his boyfriend as he read off each item.

'Number nine. You are a kind person who likes to help other people, but you can't help them until you feel better yourself.'

The school bell rang again and the halls became empty and quiet once more.

'Number thirteen. You're cute when you're stressed and flustered, but you're downright beautiful when you're smiling and calm.'

Tweek wiped his cheeks with his sleeve and cuddled up closer.

'And lastly, number twenty. You deserve  _so much more_  than to suffer like this.'

Craig looked down at Tweek, who was staring off into space.

'Sweetie?'

Tweek sat up and calmly took off the headphones, putting them in the box. He switched off the phone and put that away too, and then brought Cinnamon up to his lips and kissed him gently. Craig smiled, watching Tweek replace the items and secure the lid on the Quiet Box.

Tweek stared down at the decorations.

'I love you,' he said.

Craig felt his heart skip a beat. They'd never said the words to each other before. Craig had thought it many times, when Tweek was sleeping next to him, or when he was watching Tweek in class, or holding his hand at lunch. But the words had never been spoken aloud. He wondered if Tweek had only just realised the feeling, or if he had been waiting for a time that felt right, a time when Craig proved that he was really the one.

'I love you too, babe.'

His whole body felt warm from saying such simple words.

'Even when I'm like this?' Tweek asked meekly.

'Even like this. I love happy you. I love panicked you. I love crazy you, and scared you, and hyper you. I love you.'

Tweek turned so that they could hold each other fully; Craig wrapped him into a tight hug and gently rocked back and forth to soothe him. The worst of it was over.

'You're the only one who can make me stop thinking,' Tweek whispered. 'You're the only one who makes me not care about anything in the world.'

'You should keep the box with you,' Craig said. 'For next time this happens.'

Tweek shook his head.

'Next time it happens I won't be able to use it. I'll forget, or just won't think to use it.'

'Hmm.' Craig traced his fingers down Tweek's back as he thought. A tap on the door startled them both.

'Are you boys okay in there?' Mr Mackey's voice was faint and cautious.

Craig gave Tweek a questioning look and Tweek gave him a small smile and a nod.

'Yeah, we're good,' Craig called. 'You can come in.'

Craig waited patiently with Tweek and held his hand while the principal rang Tweek's parents again, this time to let them know he was okay and going back to class. Tweek leaned close to Craig.

'You keep the box for next time,' he whispered.

'What if I'm not there with you when you need it?' Craig asked, then an idea struck him.

That night he texted Tweek constantly, and spent the whole evening working on his project. He took some black cord, threaded some blue beads on it, and some letter beads to spell the name  _Tweek_. Then he threaded on a locket charm and attached the clasp. It was the first time he'd made anything like this, and he felt proud of the finished product.

The next morning he found Tweek at his locker and took him aside, away from prying eyes.

'How are you feeling?' Craig asked, avoiding the cliché  _'Are you okay?'_  question that he was sure Tweek must be sick of.

'Better,' Tweek said with a genuine smile that relieved Craig.

'Here, I made you something.'

Craig took Tweek's wrist and attached the bracelet, watching his boyfriend's face light up.

'It's got my name on it, cool!'

'Even cooler,' Craig said, 'is this.'

He clicked open the locket charm and inside was a rolled up strip of paper. Tweek uncurled it. On it was written:  _If I am having an anxiety attack, do not touch me. Please call Craig on 720-104-1906. Thank you._

Craig rolled the paper back up and secured it back in the charm.

'Next time you have a panic attack, just hold out your arm and show them the locket, okay? They'll read the note and call me and I'll bring you the Quiet Box. Okay?'

Tweek nodded, and Craig couldn't tell if he was about to smile or cry. He was about to ask when Tweek threw his arms around Craig, hugging him tightly.

'I don't know how to thank you,' Tweek whispered against his shoulder.

'I do,' Craig said, placing a gentle kiss on Tweek's neck. 'Tell me you love me more often from now on. Like, all the time. Because I'm addicted.'

Tweek laughed, and all Craig could think was,  _my god, it's good to hear him laugh again._

'Deal,' Tweek said. 'I love you.'

'And I definitely, definitely, definitely…' Craig pulled back so that he could kiss Tweek. It was a soft, warm kiss, just enough to make Tweek sigh happily. '…definitely love you too.'


End file.
